If a Tear Could Be Shed, Would Happiness Be Known

Tears of life flow down my cheeks infrequently
Hope of joy and the happiness it brings, will 
it ever be known to a weary heart? So full of 
the melancholy from decades of pain. Long 
for a silver lining under the skin that mourns. 

Flesh of the living turned inside out reveals
Hurt of a different color but still all the same.
To wish upon what lives beneath, what others 
will never see. A stranger knows only what 
breathes under the light,

The voice I carry lives amongst the shadows and
only heard in the darkest of nights, when solely alone
and not a star in sight.  Life is a sentence for the lost
and damned, for those without a choice and those
with no name, condemned to wander eternally.

Bastards are we all that lost the will to see what
lives afar. Joy only brings the memories of a life
long lost. Buried under silent tears, survive on the
pills. Hidden from all who try to view.  Freedom
comes when one is alone, in the company of none.

The panic and anxiety breathe when others 
abound. Fear of finding out what was once done
wrong. The past you hid so another’s life could live
The masquerade of a life gone wrong. Behind the 
mask is the eyes of a man who longs to be seen. 

Sea of Beauty

Oh, sea of blue, I hear you calling, 
expressing your longing for me.
The warmth of your breeze
is worrying.  Grab, hold,
and bring me to your home in the
deep. Your trance has fallen over me, 
and we will always search for love. I
see you, and here I stand, naked 
and tattooed with hope. Please take me
from these heavenly shores and be
burdened by my pain no more. 

Two Pasts Crashing

It would never work out; I knew it from the beginning.
Two worlds colliding and crashing against the rocks,
drawn by fate and the darkness of the past. 
Pretending if all was kept hidden, anything could last.

Truth is a passion, and it never lies. 
To you, the truth you lived was nothing but a lie.
Believe the words that were always said, “I love you
but I can’t.”  To you, love and sex should never meet.

Belief, the agony of hell, stories were the penchant 
only you could tell. Like fishing for the big one, I was
your catch. Hook, line, and sinker, you pulled me in. 
Scaled and filleted with the precision of a surgeon. 

Someone to care for and protect me for once. A man to 
give and never take. Soon, I learned and was again
on my knees and the take. Delve into the future as
we made plans, sadness dispersed by the touch of your hand. 

Learning the truth and wishing to forget. Who you were 
couldn’t sink in. My past was in storage, and yours was 
a badge. You wore it proudly, meeting your nightly tricks. 
In hotels, parks, and at home when I wasn’t there. 

Videos you made, extortion, your plans, all you stole, and 
the many you laid. A man who owned you for over twelve
years. He raped you, your brother, and so many more. You
did his bidding, and I got the prize of demise. 

All I lost was nothing compared to all I gained. All you took
only gave me strength.  Each day, our meeting was never
in vain. My eyes are now blind to the light that’s underneath
you, guided me to the underworld I never wanted to see.

John Ganshaw graduated from NYU with a degree in Leadership Development. After a long career in banking, he retired to Cambodia. While living there, John saw the worst of ex-pats and the lasting damage of colonization.  John learned that standing up and speaking out has consequences; he was arrested for speaking out against human trafficking, blackmail, and corruption. This led to John spending 13 months in prison and under house arrest. Innocence means less than nothing in a corrupt judicial system. John started writing in 2023 and has published over 100 works, most recently in Montreal Serai, Unapologetic, The Shallot, The Rappahannock, Empyrean, and Adelaide (2025 Poetry Competition Finalist).  John writes in hopes that perhaps in some small way his words can bring truth, justice, and change to this fucked up world.